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Fear and Revelation

Austin Lam, Medical Student

University of Toronto


Gargling on the foul-tasting, unexpelled vomit

That is my dread and worry,

I am repelled by the product of my own person.

It chokes and I lose my breath.

The drive to preserve my own body has

Rendered my soul nil.

For naught! For naught! For naught!

And yet Carry on! Carry on! Carry on!

Base instincts emerge fully,

Cloaked under an uncanny blanket of light,

Radiating from Todestrieb.

It comforts and it kills.

The impulse to save; to act; to be brash:

We need the Heroes!

Equally, a voice is heard.

“J’accuse!” — adulterated noblesse oblige.

The morally courageous

Return to the people

The Gift of an ethic of care.

Simultaneously, so much ripped away.

Recuperation seeming inevitably impossible,

The foul-taste invades every waking moment.

Necrotizing innards of the mind

Cannot be recovered to what once was.

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